The Story
Reflection by Matt King
On Thursday morning I led the chapel time with the oldest two classes from our preschool. This is a responsibility that Bridget and I often share. Lately my schedule has not allowed me to be as active in this aspect of our ministries, so Bridget has led more than I have in the last few weeks. This week, however, Bridget was getting ready to lead our women’s retreat that begins this evening. I wanted to ensure that she had one less thing to think about, so I took my turn leading the children.
I’d like to say that I selflessly volunteered for this duty. I’d like to say that I was making a sacrifice so that my colleague could have a little more time to focus on her other leadership responsibilities, or so she would be free to find a few moments of Sabbath in the midst of a busy week. The truth, however, is that these chapel times are likely often more rewarding for me than they are for the children.
Once you have had the opportunity to open up their theological imagination with the stories of the Bible, and after we have prayed together, the children jump up from where they are sitting, and they crowd around you, pushing past one another just so they can tell you something that has excited them, some adventure they have had recently, some hurt or heartache they have suffered, or just how much they love God and their families. They give hugs and high fives, and as they prepare to leave the sanctuary and go back to their classrooms they scream, “Bye, Pastor Matt!” at the top of their lungs. If you are like me, at the end of this twenty to twenty-five minute session you feel more uplifted and affirmed than at any other point in the workweek.
This week I looked at those children with newly opened eyes. I was overcome with a mix of emotions as they waved goodbye. As I leaned against the edge of the platform and watched the oldest class file out of the sanctuary, I couldn’t help but recall what had happened in that same room just the night before.
On Wednesday night we hosted Rev. Carrie Nettles for our FaithTalk presentation and interview as part of our ARBC In Formation initiative. Rev. Nettles is the Victim Service Specialist with the Julie Valentine Center, a nonprofit organization that provides free, confidential services to sexual assault and child abuse survivors and their families. She is a chaplain and an advocate for clients, mostly women and children, who have suffered unspeakable trauma, often at the hands of someone who claimed to love them, or who should have protected them. She has been called by God and the Julie Valentine Center to offer a crucial pastoral presence in the midst of some of the most heartbreaking situations anyone can imagine. The horrific truth is that far fewer of us have to imagine these situations than some might think.
In her talk and our conversation that followed, which will be posted on the ARBC YouTube page, Rev. Nettles shared that one in four girls will be victims of sexual violence or abuse, as will one in six boys. Those numbers are based on cases that are reported, so it is likely that the numbers may be even higher since many incidents will go unreported. Many adults still walk around carrying the burdens of these Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), having never shared them with anyone. If we have close to ninety children in our preschool ministry, over 100 in our after school ministry, and around twenty in our congregational ministries, then that means than at least fifty of those children may have their innocence stripped from them by an act of sexual trauma before they are grown. That means this is not a theoretical issue. It is something we must be aware of in the lives of those with whom we minister.
It is heartbreaking to even consider. It is a reality we cannot ignore. We cannot be naïve enough to read the news, be disgusted by what we has happened in the Catholic Church, in the Southern Baptist Convention, and in many schools, and think “well it could never happen here,” or, “it could never happen to someone associated with us.” We must move toward awareness, self-reflection, prayer, preparation, and action to ensure that all are protected among us, and that survivors know there are those who love and care for them and who want to ensure they have the support they need.
Make no mistake. When it comes to abuse in the church, it often begins with a theological problem. As I heard one of my colleagues say recently, as long as people have a theology of inferiority, that is a belief that some people are less than others, specifically that women are less than men, then there will always be an open opportunity for abuse. Likewise, if you proclaim a punitive and vindictive God who blesses some people while punishing others for spite, then you will always have people who are survivors of trauma who are left asking what they did to deserve it, or why God didn’t love them enough to protect them.
If, however, you have a theological perspective that says that all people are created equally in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), and that there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, but all are one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28), then there has never been a more important time to share the story of a God who loves and wants to redeem all people. There has never been a more important time to help the world to understand a different, more loving story of God, a story of the God who calls everyone God’s beloved children and who says there is nothing that can be done to take that love away. It is the story of a God who shows up and stands next to the survivors through people like Rev. Carrie Nettles so that they won’t have to stand alone, and so they can receive the ministry of presence. It is the kind of story we see in the God who became flesh in Jesus, and who willingly became a victim of the violence and hate in this world, and through the resurrection proved their ultimate weakness and love’s ultimate power.
Rev. Nettles told us that the stories we tell our children matter. The stories we teach about God matter. Are they stories of love and blessing, or something else? As I looked at our preschoolers during chapel, I realized the truth in her words that the stories we tell with our mouths may only be part of what we teach them. The more powerful lessons come from the ways that we live our lives in front of our children each day. Are we living in ways that bless our children and teach them that they are beloved children of God? Are we teaching them that there is nothing they could ever do that would change that? Are we teaching them that no matter what someone else might do or say to try to reshape their understanding of who they are, we know that their true identity is rooted in God’s love for them, and we love them and will walk with them too?
Let’s all pray that the stories we tell our children, and the ways we live out our faith, would be worthy of the loving God who has placed them in our care.